Worst Blog Ever!

This is my blog where I review DVDs, movies, and new episodes of TV shows I watch, and sometimes I comment on news stories that I find interesting. But a lot of the time I just post random things.

Monday, May 30, 2005

New Episodes Schedules: Episode VI

The next installment of New Episodes Schedules.

Family Guy -
June 5 - "Don't Make Me Over"
June 12 - "The Cleveland-Loretta Quagmire"
June 19 - "Petarded"
June 26 - "Brian the Bachelor"

American Dad -

June 5 - "Roger Codger"
June 12 - "Homeland Insecurity"
June 19 - "Deacon Stan, Jesus Man"

Also: Happy Memorial Day.

Sunday, May 29, 2005

Futurama Monster Robot Maniac Fun Collection DVD

The Futurama Monster Robot Maniac Fun Collection DVD will be released on August 23. The DVD will feature the episodes "Hell is Other Robots", "Anthology of Interest I", "Roswell That Ends Well", and "The Sting". The special features will include disc and episode intros by Matt Groening, David X. Cohen, Claudia Katz, Rich Moore, John DiMaggio, and Billy West, the animatic for "Hell is Other Robtots" with optional commentary by Matt Groening, David X. Cohen, Claudia Katz, Rich Moore, John DiMaggio and Billy West.

Saturday, May 28, 2005

All Cartoons are Fuckin' Dicks Lyrics

Here are the lyrics for the song "All Cartoons are Fuckin' Dicks" from the Family Guy: Live In Vegas album (it's "All Cartoons are Friggin' Dicks" on the edited version of the CD).

Peter:
On Monday I had drinks with Barney Rubble
We hit a couple divy little bars
We noticed there was quite a lovely lady
Sitting at the table next to ours
Now Barney, who was pretty friggin' wasted
Got up and stumbled over with a groan
He said: "Hey, just between us, my neanderthalic
penis is as massive as a stegosaurus bone!”

All Cartoons are fuckin' dicks
They get their kicks from being pricks
It's a quirk, we just can't fix
'Cause all cartoons are fuckin' dicks

Meg: “Did Barney really say that?”
Peter: “Oh, yeah! He is a bastard.”
Lois: “Wow!”
Peter: “An-And he really does not give a damn about the feelings of women!
Ah, aah.. it's Sad! It's really sad...”
Brian: “Well you think that's bad, listen to this…”

One day I met an ape of great charisma
Magilla the Gorilla was his name
He wore a little hat and matching bowtie
A fashion witch has brought him great acclaim
I said: "What do you see as your career-peak?
Of all your many flashy escapades.”
He said: "Well this is funky,
but you're looking at the monkey who’s responsible for bringing you the AIDS. “

All Cartoons are fuckin' dicks
They get their kicks from being pricks
It's a quirk, we just can't fix
'Cause all cartoons are fuckin' dicks

Peter: “So he’s the cold prick?”
Stewie: “I say that is just awful!”
Lois: “Okay, okay! Listen to this little gin…”

I had a conversation at a party
With famous Rabbit Hunter Elmer Fudd
He told me I just had to see his rifle
And dropped it at the table with a thud
I said to him: “It’s quite a lovely firearm.”
He told me his fiancé likes it to
He said: “This maybe corny but it really gets me horny when
I press it to her temple while we screw!”

All Cartoons are fuckin' dicks
They get their kicks from being pricks
It's a quirk, we just can't fix
'Cause all cartoons are fuckin' dicks

Peter: “Aw, God! That is one sick bastard!”
Stewie: “Euw, you’re not kidding?”
Brian: “Yeah, that… eeh… that stuff’s kinda’ against the law to, I think.”
Chris: “Well, I got one that’s even worse than that…”

On Friday-night I went to get some candy
Some soda and some chips and other stuff
Along the way I passed a little alley
And there I saw that K-9 called McGruff
I said to him: “Hey! You’re that famous crime dog!”
He said:
“I only work from nine to five! And now it’s close “ten-ish” and I
got a job to finish ‘cause as you can see this hooker’s still alive!”

All Cartoons are fuckin' dicks
They get their kicks from being pricks
It's a quirk, we just can't fix
'Cause all cartoons are fuckin' dicks

Meg: “That’s awful!”
Stewie: “Uh! Imagine McGruff beating up hookers!”
Peter: “He is a dick… He is a DICK!”
Stewie: “Yes, yes! He’s a nasty Cartoon, but I can top that… Listen to this!”

One day as I was strolling through the forest
I happened on some mushroom covered turf
And there from underneath a patro-fungus
Emerged the one and only Papa Smurf
He said: “This is our secret mushroom village!”
I said: “Then I’m the first to see these views?”
He said: “I’m only kidding, ‘cause we only keep it hidden from the Asians,
Arabs, Faggots, Blacks and Jews!”

All Cartoons are fuckin' dicks
They get their kicks from being pricks
It's a quirk, we just can't fix
'Cause all cartoons are fuckin' dicks

Lois: “That Papa Smurf sounds like a monster!”
Stewie: “Oh, he’s a dirty, nasty racist and a bigot and homophobe,
and do you know what I did when I got home?”
Brian: “What?”
Stewie: “I called up Gargamel and I told him where the village is!”

[LAUGHTER]

Peter: “That’s sweeeeet…”
Meg: “Can I go next?”
Lois: “Of course, sweetie!”
Meg: “One day I met a…-”
Peter: “Holy crap! Look who’s here, it’s Jason Alexander!”
JA: “Hey, Cartoon-haters!”
Meg: “B-but I was supposed to go next!”
Lois: “Quiet, honey! Mr. Alexander wants to talk!”
Jason Alexander: “I couldn’t help overhearing what you were talking about and I agree.
Cartoons are real fucking assholes!”
Brian: “Yeah, that’s sorta’ what we’ve been trying to communicate.”
Jason Alexander: “Well, get a load of this!”
Peter: “(Laughing) He said load!!”
Lois: “(Laughing) I know! I heard!”

I once met Scooby-Doo at a première bash
He looked a little haggard and he stunk
He said: “The trouble started last December.
When Daphne made a pass while she was drunk.”
And now he’s got a child out of wedlock
It’s dealing his career a fatal blow
I asked him: “Where’s the baby?”
He said: “Jason, buddy, maybe now you see why fuckin’ Scrappy’s gotta go!”

All Cartoons are fuckin' dicks
They get their kicks from being pricks
It's a quirk, we just can't fix
'Cause all cartoons are fuckin' dicks

Peter: “Wow, Scrappy is the bastard child of Scooby and Daphne?”
JA: “Shocking isn’t it?”
Peter: “Yeah! Hey, you douche bags wanna wrap this up?”

[CHOIR SINGING]

So let us now leave you with one suggestion
A bit of wisdom you can take for free
‘Cause the Micky’s and the Goofy’s and the Daffy’s
Are not the gentle souls they seem to be
So anytime Sylvester catches Tweety
Or Tom has got poor Jerry in a fix
(He’s in a fix!)
Sit back and just observe it;
‘Cause the little shits deserve it
FOR ALL CARTOONS ARE FUCKIN’ DICKS!

Thursday, May 26, 2005

My Top 5 Favorite Episodes of King of the Hill

Here's a list of my top-five favorite episodes of my fifth favorite show, King of the Hill.

1. "Jon Vitti Presents: Return to La Grunta"
2. "The Unbearable Blindness of Laying"
3. "Bobby Goes Nuts"
4. "Ho Yeah!"
5. "Yard, She Blows"

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

My Top 5 Favorite Episodes of The Simpsons

Here is a list of my top-five favorite episodes of my favorite show, The Simpsons.

1. "King-Size Homer"
2. "The Springfield Files"
3. "El Viaje Misterioso De Nuestro Jomer (The Myserious Voyage of Homer)"

4. "Brother Can You Spare Two Dimes?"
5. "Natural Born Kissers"

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

My Top 5 Favorite Episodes of Futurama

Here is a list of my top-five favorite episodes of my fourth favorite show, Futurama.

1. "The Devil's Hands Are Idle Playthings"
2. "A Tale of Two Santas"
3. "Roswell That Ends Well"
4. "The Farnsworth Parabox"
5. "The Why of Fry"

Monday, May 23, 2005

My Top 5 Favorite Episodes of South Park

Here's a list of my top-five favorite episodes of my third favorite show, South Park.

1. "Simpsons Already Did It"
2. "Worldwide Recorder Concert"
3. "Death Camp of Tolerance"
4. "Chinpoko-Mon"
5. "A.W.E.S.O.M.-O"

Sunday, May 22, 2005

My Top 5 Favorite Episodes of Family Guy

Here is a list of my top-five favorite episodes of my second favorite show, Family Guy.

1. "To Love and Die in Dixie"
2. "Brian Wallows and Peter's Swallows"
3. "He's Too Sexy For His Fat"
4. "E. Peterbus Unum"
5. "When You Wish Upon A Weinstein"

Saturday, May 21, 2005

Review of The Simpsons - Bart Wars DVD

Today I bought The Simpsons - Bart Wars DVD. The episodes ("Dog of Death", "Marge Be Not Proud", "The Secret War of Lisa Simpson", and "Mayored to the Mob") are all great. I don't understand why "Dog of Death", "Marge Be Not Proud", and "The Secret War of Lisa Simpson" are included on the DVD, as they have no relation to the Star Wars movies in any way. The DVD also has an animatic and storyboards for "Mayored to the Mob", which is a pretty good special feature. I give this DVD an A-.

Friday, May 20, 2005

New Episodes of Futurama?

www.gotfuturama.com/Futurama/News/1116435698,36520,/

I really hope we get new Futurama episodes, and if not that, at least a movie.

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

Review of the Family Guy - Live In Vegas CD

Today I bought the Family Guy: Live In Vegas CD, I bought the edited version (I couldn't find the unedited version). The CD is great, all of the songs on it are hilarious. My favorite songs on the CD are "Quahog Holiday" and "The "Q" Man Loves Nobody". There is also a DVD included with the CD. The DVD is pretty good as well. It has a trailer for the new season of Family Guy (American Dad too) which has an especially funny quote.

Peter: I have some bad news, your wife is a vegetable... just kidding, she's dead.

I give this CD/DVD an A.



Today's Dilbert Comic Strip:

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Review of King of the Hill - Season 9

Here is my review of the entire ninth season of King of the Hill.

"A Rover Runs Through It" - B-
"Ms. Wakefield" - B
"Death Buys a Timeshare" - B+
"Yard, She Blows" - A+
"Dale To the Chief" - B
"The Petriot Act" - A-
"Enrique-cilable Differences" - B
"Mutual of Omabwah" - A-
"Care-Takin' Care of Business" - A-
"Arlen City Bomber" - A-
"Redcorn Gambles With His Future" - A
"Smoking and the Bandit" - A-
"Gone With the Windstorm" - B+
"Bobby On Track" - C
"It Ain't Over Till The Fat Neighbor Sings" - A

My Favorite Episode of the Season - "Yard, She Blows"
My Least Favorite Episode of the Season - "Bobby On Track"

Overall for the Season - B


Season nine was a good season of King of the Hill, but it didn't have enough episodes.

Today's Dilbert Comic Strip:

Monday, May 16, 2005

Review of The Simpsons - Season 16

Here is my review of the entire sixteenth season of The Simpsons.

"Treehouse Of Horror XV" - A
"All's Fair In Oven War" - A-
"Sleeping With The Enemy" - A
"She Used To Be My Girl" - C+
"Fat Man And Little Boy" - A-
"Midnight Rx" - A+
"Mommie Beerest" - B+
"Homer And Ned's Hail Mary Pass" - A-
"Pranksta Rap" - A-
"There's Something About Marrying" - A+
"On A Clear Day I Can't See My Sister" - A-
"Goo Goo Gai Plan" - A
"Mobile Homer" - B
"The Seven-Beer Snitch" - A-
"Future-Drama" - A+
"Don't Fear The Roofer" - A-
"The Heart-Broke Kid" - A
"A Star Is Torn" - B+
"Thank God It's Doomsday" - A
"Home Away From Homer" - A
"The Father, The Son, And The Holy Guest Star" - A+

My Favorite Episode of the Season: "Future-Drama"
My Least Favorite Episode of the Season: "She Used To Be My Girl"

Overall for the Season - A-

I think season sixteen is the best season of The Simpsons since season nine or ten.

Today's Dilbert Comic Strip:

Sunday, May 15, 2005

Reviews of Family Guy - "Blind Ambition" and American Dad - "Francine's Flashback"

The Family Guy episode "Blind Ambition" was an awesome episode. The new Peter/Chicken fight was great. The episode's ending (Star Wars parody) was one of my very favorite Family Guy episode endings. I give this episode an A+.


The American Dad episode "Francine's Flashback" was a good episode. The best episode to air so far. It seems that the episodes keep getting better. I give this episode an A-.

Reviews of The Simpsons - "Home Away From Homer" and "The Father, The Son, And The Holy Guest Star"

The Simpsons episode "Home Away From Homer" was a really good episode. Check out the website from the episode: SexySlumberParty.com. I give this episode an A.


The Simpsons episode "The Father, The Son, And The Holy Guest Star" was an exvcellent episode. This is one of my favorite episodes of the sixteenth season. I give this episode an A+. Also, this episode is the season sixteen finale.

Review of King of the Hill - "It Ain't Over Till The Fat Neighbor Sings"

The King of the Hill episode "It Ain't Over Till The Fat Neighbor Sings" was a great episode. I really like all plots involving Bill. This episode is one of my favorite episodes of the season. I give this episode an A. Also, this episode is the season nine finale.

Today's Dilbert Comic Strip:

Saturday, May 14, 2005

King of the Hill - Season Four DVD

The King of the Hill season four DVD was released on Tuesday. The DVD set has all twenty-three season four episodes, but the sae has no special features. Also, like the the third season DVD set the episodes are on shitty double-sided discs. I haven't bought it yet, I'm not sure when I will.


Also: The King Of The Hill episode "It Ain't Over 'Til The Fat Neighbor Sings", The Simpsons episodes "Home Away From Homer" and "The Father, The Son, And The Holy Guest Star", the Family Guy episode "Blind Ambition", the American Dad episode "Francine's Flashback" will all air. I will review the episodes sometime after they air.

Today's Dilbert Comic Strip:

Friday, May 13, 2005

Which Family Guy Character Are You?

Take the "Which Family Guy Character Are You?" test here. I guess I'm pretty happy that I'd be Brian.



Today's Dilbert Comic Strip:

Thursday, May 12, 2005

More Freakin' Family Guy Quotes

Here's some more freakin' sweet Family Guy quotes:

Tom Tucker: And now time for Ollie Williams with the Black-U-Weather Forecast. Ollie?
Ollie: It gon' rain.
Tom Tucker: Thanks, Ollie.

Peter: Everybody, I've got bad news. We've been cancelled.
Lois: Oh no Peter! How could they do that?
Peter: Well unfortuantely Lois, there's just no more room on the schedule. We just gotta accept the fact that FOX has to make room for terrific shows like Dark Angel, Titus, Undeclared, Action, That 80's Show, Wonder Falls, Fast Lane, Andy Richter Controls The Universe, Skin, Girl's Club, Cracking Up, The Pitts, Firefly, Get Real, Freaky Links, Wanda At Large, Costello, The Lone Gunman, A Minute with Stan Hooper, Normal Ohio, Pasadena, Harsh Realm, Keen Eddy, The Street, American Embassy, Cedric The Entertainer, The Tick, Louie, and Greg The Bunny....
Lois: Is there no hope?
Peter: Well I suppose if ALL those shows go down the tubes we might have a shot.

Peter (as Larry from Three's Company): Jack. Twins. Swedish. My place. Now.

Peter: Am I supposed to conduct with my penis?

Meg: I just want to kill myself I'm gonna go upstairs and eat a whole bowl of peanuts.
(Lois and Peter stare in silence)
Meg: I'm allergic to peanuts.
(Peter and Lois keep staring)
Meg: You dont know anything about me. (runs upstairs)
Peter: Who was that guy?


Peter: Well, I'm gettin' something really special too. And by special I don't mean special like that Kleinaman boy down the street. More special like... like Special K, the cereal. Hey, what do they do with the regular K? And for that matter, what ever happend to K. Ballard? You know, if you said mallard and you had a cold, it would sound like ballard.
Brian: Do you listen to yourself when you talk?
Peter: I drift in and out.


Auctioner: Our first item is a pair of panties confiscated from a prostitute.
Quagmire: Fifty bucks.
Auctioner: She had nine STDs.
Quagmire: Forty-five bucks.
Auctioner: And when we caught her she wet herself.
Quagmire: Fifty bucks.


Stewie: Yes, but no sprinkles. For every sprinkle I find, I shall KILL you.

Lois: You're drunk again.
Peter: No, I'm just exhausted 'cause I've been up all night drinking.


Man: Where do you see yourself in five years?
[Peter sees a picture of the man, his wife, and his son at the beach]
Peter's Brain: Don't say doing your wife. Don't say doing your wife. Don't say doing your wife.
Peter: Doing your ... son.

Also: Sorry for forgetting to post yesterday.

Yesterday's Dilbert Comic Strip:


Today's Dilbert Comic Strip:

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

The Simpsons - Bart Wars DVD

On Tuesday, May 17th The Simpsons - Bart Wars DVD will be released. The DVD features the episodes "Dog Of Death", "Marge Be Not Proud", "The Secret War of Lisa Simpson", and "Mayored to the Mob". The DVD will not have any special features.


Today's Dilbert Comic Strip:

Monday, May 09, 2005

New Episodes Schedules: The Fifth One

Yes, it's time for the next installment of "New Episodes Schedules".

The Simpsons -
May 15 - "Home Away From Homer" and "The Father, The Son, And The Holy Guest Star" - Season 16 finale

Family Guy -
May 15 - "Blind Ambition"
May 22 - No New Episode
May 29 - No New Episode

South Park -
The second half of season 9 begins October 19.

King Of The Hill -
May 15 - "It Ain't Over 'Til The Fat Neighbor Sings" - Season 9 finale

American Dad -
May 15 - "Francine's Flashback"
May 22 - No New Episode
May 29 - No New Episode

Today's Dilbert Comic Strip:

Sunday, May 08, 2005

Reviews of Family Guy - "Fast Times At Buddy Cianci Jr. High" and American Dad - "Stan Knows Best"

The Family Guy episode "Fast Times At Buddy Cianci Jr. High was a good episode. I don't think it was as good as last week's season premiere episode, not as funny. But still, it was good. I give this episode an A-.


The American Dad episode "Stan Knows Best" was a pretty good episode. I think it was quite a bit better than the first two episodes. I give this episode a B+.

Reviews of The Simpsons - "A Star Is Torn" and "Thank God It's Doomsday"

The Simpsons episode "A Star Is Torn" was a good episode. I really liked Lisa's singing. I give this episode a B+.


The Simpsons episode "Thank God It's Doomsday" was a great episode. The plot was excellent. I give this episode an A.

Review of King Of The Hill - "Bobby On Track"

The King Of The Hill episode "Bobby On Track" was a decent episode. There weren't many funny moments in it though. This is one of my least favorite episodes of the season. I give this episode a B.

Today's Dilbert Comic Strip:

Saturday, May 07, 2005

Review of Ron White: Drunk In Public CD

Not too long ago I bought the Ron White: Drunk In Public CD. It is hilarious, it features almost every one of Ron White's funniest stand-up jokes. Drunk In Public is one of my very favorite CDs that I own. I give this CD an A.


Also: Tommorow night the King Of The Hill episode "Bobby On Track", The Simpsons episodes "A Star Is Torn" and "Thank God It's Doomsday", the Family Guy episode "Fast Times At Buddy Cianci Jr. High", the American Dad episode "Stan Knows Best" will all air. I will review the episodes sometime after they air.

Today's Dilbert Comic Strip:

Friday, May 06, 2005

Free Comic Book Day

Tommorow is Free Comic Book Day, normally I wouldn't really care. But this year there will be a free Simpsons comic book. So go to a comic book store and get free comics, I command you!


Today's Dilbert Comic Strip:

Thursday, May 05, 2005

I Drink Too Much...

Here is another hilarious Ron White stand-up comedy joke:

"I drink too much, other people learn things when I drink. Other people learn things when I drink. Last night, a limo driver learned that when I say "I've got a yak", it doesn't mean I've got a long-haired bufallo livin' in my backyard." He was like, "Oh really, what do you feed it?"... Corn."

- Comedian Ron "Tater Salad" White

Today's Dilbert Comic Strip:

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Maybe It's Me?

Here's an old stand-up comedy joke by Ron White:

"A real well-dressed drunk women said, "Every one of them's a bad fuck!" "Ma'am?" I said, "Wait a minute, you're telling me that you've had sex with all these guys, and everyone one of them is a bad fuck?" She said, "That's right!" You know it seems like after about thirty-nine thousand times you would start to go, "Maybe it's me?"

- Comedian Ron "Tater Salad" White


Today's Dilbert Comic Strip:

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

We Don't Take Money Here

Here's yet another hilarious Ron White stand-up comedy joke:

"I went to the Blues Festival. I love the blues, but they I think they need fix the festival. I don't like any place where you can't give someone money and they'll give you back a beer. You know what I mean? I love beer, I know they're sellin' beer, I see people coming from the front of the line and they've got beer. That's how I figured the whole thing out. When I finally get to the front of the line I give the guy some money. He said, "We don't take money here."... "What do you take?"... "Coupins!" "Where do I get these "coupins"!?" "You see that line over there?" I waited in that line for about an hour. When I got to the front of the line I had to show them my birth certificate, fill out a form, and they mail that away..... Send me back some "coupins"! "What are you doing, Ron? Oh, I'm waiting on UPS, there's a good chance I could have a beer by Thursday. I'm partying like a Kennedy right now."

- Comedian Ron "Tater Salad" White

Today's Dilbert Comic Strip:

Monday, May 02, 2005

Review of Bill Engvall: Here's Your Sign Live DVD

Recently, I bought the Bill Engvall: Here's Your Sign Live DVD. The DVD is really good, Bill Engvall is a hilarious comedian. And it's not only his "Here's your sign" jokes that are funny, he also has very funny jokes about things in life. But I am disappointed about the lack of special features. I give this DVD an A-.


Today's Dilbert Comic Strip:

Sunday, May 01, 2005

Reviews of Family Guy - "North By North Quahog" and American Dad - "Threat Levels"

The Family Guy episode "North By North Quahog" was a awesome episode. This episode had some of the funniest things ever to be in Family Guy. Great episode to restart the series. I give this episode an A+.


The American Dad episode "Threat Levels" was a good episode. I liked it more than the Pilot episode. I think American Dad will be a decent show. I give this episode a B-.

Reviews of The Simpsons - "Don't Fear The Roofer" and "The Heart-Broke Kid"

The Simpsons "350th" episode "Don't Fear The Roofer" was a really good episode. Stephen Hawking's guest appearance was hilarious. I give this episode an A-.


The Simpsons episode "The Heart-Broke Kid" was a great episode. I really liked the main title sequence gag. I give this episode an A.

Review of King Of The Hill - "Gone With The Windstorm"

The King Of The Hill episode "Gone With The Windstorm" was a pretty good episode. I actaully liked the Bobby subplot more than the main plot. I give this episode an A-.